& its another futile day:/ .
maybe not exactly.
re-watched naruto:D .
started from yesterday and i'm already at episode 34! :)
but the show had to paused cause bro gotta accompany mum downstairs to do an errand.

okay, sorry people for being hostile on msn.
its just that i'm busy watching naruto! :)

umm, going out with mswatever tomorrow:D .
its been 12345678910days AGES since i last saw her.
hmm, that long?

i will try as long as one day,
one day, it'll just happen.
i'll hold it back.
i'll not let go.
sorry to disappoint you again.
this time its not going to be over.

`x estee x`

我想你.
even if its the last day ; i'll still take my chances.

`x estee x`

feeling the morning air of 6am breathing through my lungs,
was a wonderful feeling. :D
brushed my teeth and such.
prepared breakfast for brother and sister.
brother's paper starts at 8 so decided to make breakfast for him last night. :)
cooked hot dog freeze and Campbell's soup. :D

drank a bit of soup and ate a few pieces then headed back to slumber land again.
woke up around 1230 this time. :)
somehow or rather i didn't sleep from 2-6 .
so used the morning to catch up with my beauty sleep.

brushed my teeth and such again.
after which, as if i was possessed, headed to the kitchen and pick up the broom and started sweeping mummy's room floor.
after around 15minutes, i find myself still sweeping that same corner that i gave up and headed to the store room for the vacuum cleaner.
after vacuuming, was the mopping part. :)
which is what i quite enjoy most for doing household chores.
normally is the time when i am able to sing and clean the house at the same time.
its quite a fun chore i'd say. :D
finished everything around 2plus.

yeah, so that's half a day over.
the after-half of the day was just tv and computer. :)
sigh:/, was just informed by leon that the job's been taken!
*double sighs!*
well, think must work double harder to find a job.

don't make me take back my words again ; maybe i already did.

`x estee x`

you promised,
when i fall, you'll pick me up.
you promised,
to write my name in your heart,
and forever it'll stay.
you promised,
you'd never hurt me like i was.
but these promises were broken.

i'm sorry,
for treating you that way.
i hate myself,
for not believing in you.
i regret,
for not cherishing you.

i'm sorry for not telling you the truth ; iloveyou.

`x estee x`

i seriously don't understand the dreams i made these few days.
they're so un-understandable:/ .
they may seem sweet yet crazy.
i said i'd give up.
and the moment i said those three words.
these dreams starts appearing:/ .
just what's the meaning ?

woke up at 1130 but stayed on the bed till 1145.
dragged myself to the bathroom.
ate vegetarian bee hoon for breakfast.
packed the store room.
tidy up the newspaper area.
cleared the redundant magazines and flyers.
packed the living room table.
doing some housework kinda kept me busy.
which is a good thing. :D
so that means i wouldn't think so much.
and i really didn't. :)

sleptrest a while.
didn't managed to rest.
lay on the bed and kept thinking about some stupid matters.
hmpf:/ , i feel so ... messed up.

afterwhich, tv-ed, dinner-ed, bath-ed.
hmms, that's all i suppose.
gonna play with marc frozenthrone.
so, toodles. :)
will you be there to catch me at the bottom when i fall off the bridge? ; why am i still thinking about all these, i'm supposed to forget you.

`x estee x`

woke up at one today:) !
lazed around.
tv-ed, game-ed.
a boring saturday:/ .
mum went out with her friends.
sister out with boyfriend.
leave me alone with dad and bro .

dinner at 9plus with dad,mum and brother ! :D
ate at gongshang coffee shop then headed down to mr teh tarik for rojak. :)
it's been quite a while since the whole family went out together for dinner. :D
i'll leave the way to santa once again.

`x estee x`

251007 ; pasir ris park ! :D

guess who's missing ? :D

weichong-leon-tracy-kangqi-karen :D
LEON the PHOTOGRAPHER! :D
miss emoistic pinky capturing the moments (:
KANGQI ; miss emoistic pinky ! :X
TRACY ; miss horny girl :D
LEON ; mr diva ! :D
Leon,Karen,KangQi,Tracy<3
WITHH.MUCHH.LOVEE<3

i've to get out of this confusion.`x estee x`

i figured out i should just stop blog-hopping the sec 4/5's blog to wish them luck for their upcoming papers.
they wouldn't be able to notice it anyway.
cause they're busy mugging ! :D
except for some *er hem!* whom i just "coincidentally" know :X .

wells, i think i shall edit my previous post.
cause so many memorable things happened yesterday!
stressed, gay(happy of course), crazy moments.

as for today, i woke up not really in the best of mood to school.
my eyes were so freaking small and i kept rubbing it:/.
the morning started off with the anthem as usual.
hmm, it'll be two months later that we'll be singing it again.
with our position as a sec three.
right, better not digress.
after "one good thing leads to another & another & another..." as quoted by mr sim(: ,
we went up to class.
collected our result slips :

class position for midyear : 33/40
class position for finalyear: 17/40
level position for midyear : 236/245
level position for finalyear: 205/243

alright, i think i improved.
but my results were still very very very disappointing.
whateveranything.
talking about whatever,
hoped msWATEVER managed to get her desired results! (:

rights, so after that we were released.
there were some errors on my report card for one of the paper.
saw zerlina, after thinking that the problem is solved when mrs chan said she'll check it,
i left with zerlina sending me to the main gate. :D

reached home and started using the desktop.
can consider till now ?
of course there was breaks in between! :D
the morning/afternoon was nicely spent with jerome! (:
(I DON'T THINK I'M ALLOWED TO SAY,
PRIVATE&CONFIDENTIAL! :D)
but, thanks brother! {:
i don't , i really don't ; believe me will you ?

`x estee x`

what a bummer! :/
i said i'll forget ; because of her.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[edited post on 261007 ]

right, the day started with a nervous and stressed up emotion.
i walked to school as calm and relaxed as much that i could.
proceeded to school and the morning started.
did whatever i was supposed to do.
ms yew went through a quick pre-interview to get me prepared.
mrs neo tested me before that too.
i was asked to act normally and take in deep breaths by mrs low so as not to feel so tensed.
miss thong also said that i was rather tense in the library.
how can i not be ? the school's reputation is at stake.

but i was really really filled with much much much relieve when i knew i wasn't on tv ! :D
like, PHEW !
i can just imagine myself being stumbled upon the mind-boggling questions that the reporters would ask.
i don't even know why i'm being chosen for the spokesperson position in the first place.
people like richard and bernice could speak better.
they just don't smile as much as i do.
correction, bernice smiled right ? *thinks*

but yeah, it was a relieve that i was just interviewed by several newspapers reporters and 93.8 reporter.
Letchumi Jaiganth is her name , and i think she is really nice ! :D
the other reporters too ! {:
miss lam said that the zaobao reporter was one of her friend.
hahas! what a small world(okay,singapore is indeed small! :D).

AH-HAH! the infuriatingirritating part.
cause miss letchumi gave me and richard her namecard and she said she'd inform us about the details.
so we were having our brunch at the library when mr lee asked me how was the interview.
i showed him the card and he began to take out the numerous uncountable cards !
how irritating !
hahas, but he's a really nice & funny teacher! :D

yupps' so i was at the library the whole morning till school end at 12 .
after which, went with iris to find petrina to change shoes.
then we went around finding for leesihui.
and the time goes ...
went to pasir ris park with kangqi,tracy,karen,weichong,leon.
chips-ed, drink-ed, bitch-ed, doodle-ed on sand ...
it was a real memorable day ! :D
someone made up my mind to give up ; someone you were with.

`x estee x`

its tiring to dream,
to have stupid nightmares.
to make myself feel better,
by telling myself that you still care.
you don't, that's a fact, a reality.
it remains as it is.
there'll be no miracles.
why can't i just listen to kangqi and wake up?
if i could forget, i'd have done so ten months ago.

`x estee x`

bahhh:/ !
death day's tomorrow! ):
goodluck esteekho:/ .

nice day with berniceang! :D
i watched finish 放羊的星星 the second time le! :DD
hmms, maybe its time to settle down.
finding job with bernice(: .
bless me santa! {:
santaloves!<3
砖石王子和铁打的星星 ; their relationship was much more stronger than ours, of course.

`x estee x`

211007 ; day out with the sims :D !
hmm' woke up around 11plus.
arranged to meet weiying at 2plus to go to the spectacle shop.
at first i checked my degree and wanted to make a new pair of contacts.
until, a crappy incident happened and i changed to specs instead.
er-yi said i looked nice in specs.
& weiying kept saying nowadays specs is the new fashion. -.-'
hahas, yeah' so i chose a black frame.
hopefully hopefully it'll turn out just the way i want it to be! :/
for the fact that i don't think anyone saw a be-spectacled estee before ! :)

but i like the frame, cause its BLACK! :D
its 40bucks more expensive than my contacts,
but hopefully its worth it ! :)
aunty tries to make it done by today!
so i will be collecting my specs later on tonight.
first time i'm so excited about my new specs.
i used to change specs every year,
cause of my increasing degree.
but it has been a while since i changed my specs.
hmms, after that, i went to courts and ikea with er-yi and weiying.
it was a last minute decision.
mummy invited them for dinner too.
so after our shopping trip we went home for dinner. :)
its as usual, ten-der-li-cious ! :D

221007 ; school starts at 8 ! :)
yepps , school starts at 8 ! :D
for the rest of the week !
there won't be school tomorrow as it is promotion day !
sigh:/ , had a briefing about next year class options.
there isn't any SS/HIST for 3D onwards.
I DIE ALSO DON'T WANNA TAKE GEOG ! ):
history is so much more NICER to study ! :DD
hmms, 3D animation.
this thursday is freaking me out ! ):
i feel even much more stressed than studying for exams !
ministers, reporters, camera crews.
wth ?!?
hopefully i'll not be chosen to be the spokesperson:/ .
i don't think i can speak well enough.
i'll be a total disgrace! :S

talking about this is making me all jittery:/ .
better go prepare and read through the notes.
toodles people ! :)
speak out if you do ; you're not easy to find.

`x estee x`

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave
and still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not burry if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you is blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you'll ever know
and part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you is blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you'll ever know
and part of me died when I let you go

After all this while
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you is blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more than you'll ever know
and part of me died when I let you go

and I loved you more than you'll ever know
and part of me died when I let you go

I loved you more than you'll ever know .

`x estee x`

191007 ; i wrote my post halfway till something happened:/ !
today was one of the most fun & cool day though it didn't start out right.
woke up at 7 today, rushed like mad.
found out that mum did not hang my uniform.
ironed my uniform till its dry.
left the house around 0720hrs ?
run down the stairs till i saw cheryl.
i thought i was late, but she say no.
then never really rushed to school(: .

reached class, got back all our english papers!
& i scored really bad for compo:/ .
don't wanna talk about results.
i am quite happy with it.
and quite disappointed too.


the best part about class today is the singing part with yuying, petrina and sarah! {:
weeees~ ! :D
it all started after recess, when we were asked to help out at physics lab to move the stuffs to the art room.
at first, the girls were asked to go to the physics lab and wait.
so me and yuying went.
we sat down near the railings and somehow or rather, we started singing! :D
hahas, then we sang and sang.
after helping out, i quickly pull yuying to the piano area.
hahas, wenfen and petrina were already there!
& believe it or not, wenfen actually knows how to play the piano! :)
sarah and wenfen play a canon in d duet :D .
awws, dang! my favourite song is like so easily played by people!
CANONIND ! , FASTER TEACH ME AFTER YOUR O'S! :D


hahas, miss lam caught us and allowed us to play till the end of her period! [:
she's really the best ever chinese teacher you can get! :DD
but sadly, she's not teaching sec three! :/
that sucks big time! ):


hmms, there's more when its maths and science period ! :D
wenfen wanted to come my house to bake the banana choc muffins.
she said she wanted that for her birthday which is tomorrow .
sorry girl, but i had something on! ):
& my mummy will never allow me to bake when she isn't home.
millions of apologies! :/
happy birthday! [:


oh yeah! , the four of us just keep singing! :D
hahas, we sang 我可以 when wenfen was playing stress with danny.
hahas, and she was smiling! :)
hahas, rights.
so after school went up to 2C classroom.
met Judaxil and Iris.
lunch-ed(drinking milo counts?) with them.

soon, choir started and i was at 4A's classroom with Zerlina.
few minutes later, yakai came.
didn't went inside choir as they were using the surfin-in room .
it's too small, so don't wanan squeeze the poor lil' them! :)
i'm pretty sure everything went well yesterday! :D
so we waited for them at the atrium around 4plus ? {:
zerlina, yakai and me kept crappin' (:
& i found out something that me myself did not even realised.
BUT I STILL DON'T BELIEVE COMPLETELY! :/

forget bout' that, then they were finally released.
so shaun,eugene,weichong,tuanboon, quanfeng,moses,hanwen,jerrold,yakai,zerlina and me went to the basketball court after that! :)
i was practically laughing my heads off than playing basketball.
and something really bad happened! :x
though he put it on his msn nick, but i'm still not gonna divulge the matter! :D

headed for dinner with yakai and quanfeng after that.
they rest went home.
ate ban mee and went home.
I couldn't make you see it ; that I loved you more than you'll ever know.

`x estee x`

i'm just too tired.
drained out of my strength.
i just can't.
it isn't as easy as you think.

`x estee x`

15 October 2007 ; sports at singapore poly(:

that playground ; four months & twelve days ago.

hearfelt'love within.
CELIAKOHJIEYI! :D
her smiles never fail to make my day(: .
birthdaygirltracy feeding lil'cutiepiecheryl.

i had a really fun day that day! :D
woke up at ten in the morning and prepared.
left house around 1120hrs?
had a hard time finding a suitable carrier for the muffins.
cause' its placed in a box that is SQUARE o.o !
hmms, the photos shall explained all the happiness and fun that day! :D
oh yeahs'
BOWLING SCORES! :D
aunt dorothy ; 112
yours truly ; 87
tracy ; 73
celia ; 68
i wanna bowl! :/
pooled, swam and bowled that day! :)
hope to be back there soon! :D
basketball tomorrow with wanjie,petrina and some others! :D
weakens in the mind ; every second , every minute.

`x estee x`

it never makes you realise,
that the person you're looking for,
is waiting for you at one corner.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
失去必须失去两个，
得到的却是一万个痛苦。
为什么两个都不能拥有呢？
却只能得到痛苦的感受。
我等了一辈子，希望也慢慢的失去。
难道忘掉真地会开心多吗?
我默默的齐大复合的那一天。

`x estee x`

yes, yes, yes ! :D
i am finally backkkkkk ! :)
hahas, with a decent post of the exam ! :D
wells, let's see if i can remember.

3rd October ;
hmms, shit.
i forgot where i went! :/
i think i went home ?
yeah' :)

4th October ;
i went to study with angel ! :D
kfc again.
yes, again.
study groups always at KFC.
cause' its like the ONLY place that allows us to study.
WITHOUT BEING KICKED OUT ! :D
learnt maths from angel ! [:
ENLARGEMENT.
oh, but i think the math paper suck real big time ! :/

5th October ;
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZERLINA! :D
oh..kay' at least is belated.
hahas'
english & chinese paper one !
i think my story for english is way too crazy !
i said my younger brother died of my carelessness of giving him a fishball ! =.-" !
see how IMAGINATIVE i can get .

went to study with SEW ™s again ! :D
and yes, KFC again! :
i don't know if i should smile or give a bitter look.
but the umpteen number of times we went there is like COUNTLESS !
and yes, we went to our secret hideout after studying ! {:
muchmuchfun! :)

6th October & 7th October ;
stayed at home during the weekends to study.
no, no shopping trips. (:
sense of achievement ! :DD

8th October ;
english paper two & geography!
god, geog sucks .
i don't think i did well.
i don't think i did that bad either.
but i know it can be any good.
just pray hard that i'll pass. :/
after school, hmmm.
i supposed i went home ? :)
studied again ! :D

9th October ;
history & literature!
i feel like smacking myself for spending 45 mins on source-based!
i didn't managed to finish !
& for a mere 4-mark question i wrote half of the piece of paper!
that's seriously plain crap.
literature was alright i guess?
just hope i don't disappoint mdm rohanah again :/

mugging session with SEW ™s again ! :D
muchloved! [:
shall take this chance to thank
SHUTING ,SHAUN ,EUGENE ,WEICHONG ! :D

10th October ;
science & chinese!
science is a really really really total disappointment.
i thought that question wanted to tricked me.
so i went to change my answer.
at first i was tricked by two questions!
i knew it was a trick so i read both question thrice!
(you can't blame me for being perfect in physics! , i can't take disappointments.)
in the end, i thought i was tricked by another two.
but it turned out like hell NO! :/
i went to change my answer for no reason! T.T
AHHHH! I HATE MYSELF! ):
chinese, managed to finish on the dot.
its still manageable i guess?

11th October ;
Math & Home Econs !
THIS MATHS PAPER HAD GOT TO BE THE MOST CRAPPIEST PAPER !
its like so F*ING difficult.
really sorry about the crude vulgarity.
but its really that 夸张 !
don't wish to talk about it anymore.
prepared to take POA already! :/

I made a stupid mistake for the first question !
at first i wrote the correct one,
but in the end, i changed my freaking answer! :/
went home, chiong-ed art .
2pm-2am !
with short intervals in between.
really really short ones.
from bath and dinner.
12 hrs ; its still not finished .
but i've given my best .

12th October ;
art & chinese listening comprehension.
i coloured only half of my poster.
but i am satisfied.
just that, i think my mind went bonkers that i poke a hole in the middle of my art piece and tie a redundant ribbon there.
its really inessential and a moronic thing to do .
grah, forget it.

13th October ;
woke up slacked for a while.
after that prepared to go to er-yi's house.
celebrated ting's birthday.
phew~
shall explain that in detail soon!
with photos! (:

today! [:
baked muffins for zerlina and iris.
phew~!
hoped ya both love the muffins! :D
happy belated birthday ZERLINAlaogong &
HAPPY BIRTHDAY IRISdarling ! :D

& yes, that's how i spent my week ! :D
why won't you let me know ; your hearfelt words.

`x estee x`

& I AM BACKKKKK FROM A ZZZZILLLLLIIOON YEEEEARRRRRRS ! :D
hmm, suffering from com-lag .
have so much to blog about ! :D
exams, art, study groups with SEW™s, MILLIONS OF FUN @ (our secret hideout! ;} ) ...
shall blog when i get back the internet plug! :/
for now, have to return dad the USB . ):
so toodles people!

muchmisses! :D

i want you to know the truth within.

`x estee x`

don't know why, i seem to take it as if nothing happened.
like the hatred that was supposed to be felt,
gone with the wind that blew along.
holding on might be a better idea,
give in ; forgive and forget .
isn't that what i've been doing ?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
lingers within the hearts of connection.
a communication without realisation.
staying forever, hurting forever.
if that one chance ever come by ; it'll be the time i let out everything.

`x estee x`

i promised i would forget.
i said i had forgotten.
nonetheless the many attempts of forgetting,
it still ends up with remembrance.

finding the strength ; turning to faith .

`x estee x`

you might not believe that the post below is me who wrote it !
so, so be it ! :D

I FELL IN LOVE WITH BARBIE MOVIES ~ ! :DD
they're so touching !
kids central was showing "Barbie & The Island Princess" just now.
at first i planned to mug after my bath ,
remebering there's "Barbie & The Island Princess" ,
i tuned the tv on.
and was stucked to it since then !
its like so damn touching, believe me or not ! ;)

from the first movie i watched,
i think i was kinda young back then !
but anything! , it shall remain as that ! :)

you're my destiny ; it's written in your heart.

`x estee x`