The reasons that you don't know,
are the reasons that you'll never know.
Cause you don't care.
I'll be waiting.
I gave up since then.
I am tired and numb of crying over this friendship.
Your understanding was all I needed,
but you didn't give it to me.

Brother, now time won't even heal and piece back this friendship.
The friendship that was the closest to my heart.
Let's just say misinterpretation caused this to end.
I don't wanna go on anymore.
Stop it, the one pleasure that I let go,
freed me from the thousand sufferings.

The once mostly treasured friendship to be given back to me,
was my birthday wish.
But I doubt this wish can ever come true.
I shall explain all my reasons,
which are excuses you'll think,
to where I know will not be erased.

`x estee x`

and so I think I am quite over with what i posted yesterday.
must be all the adrenaline that got into me.
but, I hope that the post was understandable.
please don't come scolding me for bombing those explicits! =x
I am holding, no more vulgarities I hope!
so much for the past,
its a get over it and move on generation. :D

right now blogging on brother's lappy at jieyang's house.
its the celebration of his birthday today!
four days earlier.
haha, but nevertheless,
HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY 'BROTHERRRR'! :D
good luck in your future endeavours (: !

wanted to wake up at nine thirty this morning,
to mug Social Studies and E Math.
but the lerthargic me could not get off my irresistable comfy bed,
and thus, ended up awake at 1245hrs! :O
felt super shag:/ , and kinda pissed off with mummy for being unreasonable yesterday.
managed to read up and study Socials Studies : Conflicts in Sri Lanka yesterday before being knocked out! :)
Its really amazing to read these historic events that happened wayyyy before the time I was borned!
like history is loved<3
right, so thirteen more days to MYE,
and of course I'm totally unprepared.
I should not be posting anymore until after MYE!
cause there's really much to learn.

and A Math, is really a challenge!
but with the help of my superrr nice teacher, Mr Tang :D ,
miracles can happen! :D
and study groups, hopefully papa's help, of course my beloved brotherr<3 , i believe it shouldn't be a problem.
okay, so its really intensive mugging.
don't wanna disappoint myself anymore :/ !
its just one more year and a half!
& THE BIG BIG O's IS GONNA HIT MY BRAIN!
so, study hard & study smart alright ESTEE KHO! :)

and until we meet again, until we meet again, may god hold you in the palm, of his hand.

`x estee x`

Gemini (May 21 - Jun 21)
The Bottom Line
Stop reading books to figure out what to do in romance. Your heart already knows.
In Detail
Long ago you stopped believing that if you stepped on a crack you'd break your mother's back -- or that opening an umbrella indoors was going to bring bad luck. So why are you holding on to old superstitions about romance? There are no tricks to pull or mistakes to avoid -- all you need to do is communicate your feelings clearly and calmly. Stop playing games and reading books to know what to do. Your heart knows what to do, so you should start listening to it.

Nonono, my heart doesn't!

`x estee x`

okay, i think i feel much better bombing those explicits!
and yes, one of the f*er is me! :)
no one states a rule that one can't scold themselves!
yeah, i am crazy, but i don't give a damn!(tits, stop making fun of me with the dare thing! -.-')
NOBODY IS PERFECT,
of course.

just when i'm beginning to treasure what i really have,
it seems to be slowly diminished from my life.
its all that seems so true,
but none that is truly dependable.
the missing point was a lesson learnt,
the present state is a total turn.

`x estee x`

OKAY, I AM GONNA BOMB ALL MY F*ING COMPLAINTS HERE,
IT IS MY BLOG, SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO F*ING READ THIS IF YOU'RE NOT HAPPY.

F#1
I'VE TOTALLY BOMBED IT, YES MY PATIENCE HAS BEEN TRIGGERED. I TOTALLY DID NOT OFFEND YOU IN ANY F*ING WAY, WHY MUST YOU F*ING COME PROVOKE ME. IF YOU THINK YOUR 'SO-CALLED-JOKES' ARE FUNNY AND TOTALLY HILARIOUS, WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY THE OPPOSITE, THEN YOU BETTER FIND SOME OTHER HUMAN BEING THAT CAN TAKE YOUR F*ING JOKES. CAUSE YOUR JOKES ARE SO NOT HILARIOUS AT ALL.

F#2
OKAY, I SHOULDN'T HAVE EXPECTED ANYTHING. FROM TODAY ONWARDS, YOU F*ING LEAD YOUR OWN WAY AND I'LL TRY MY 99.9% BEST TO NOT EVEN COMMUNICATE WITH YOU, WHICH I THINK IT IS QUITE IMPOSSIBLE AT TIMES, BUT I DON'T CARE. I WONDER HOW THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU CAN STAND YOU, WHEN THEY HAVE TO SERIOUSLY F*ING UNDERSTAND YOUR CHANGE IS TOTALLY SUCKING F* BIG TIME. DON'T ALWAYS ASSUME WHAT YOU KNOW IS ALWAYS RIGHT. SERIOUSLY, EVEN IF I AM WRONG, YOU DON'T HAVE TO REBUT AS IF YOU'RE RIGHT. CAUSE I DON'T GIVE A F*ING DAMN ABOUT IT ANYMORE. SO STOP BEING SO STUCKED UP AND GET A LIFE.

F#3
REALLY, I THINK YOU SHOULD GET A LIFE. CAUSE IT WON'T SIMPLY WORK OUT JUST LIKE THAT. STOP WHINING ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND GET ON WITH WHAT'S JUST IN FRONT OF YOU. WILL IT EVEN WORK IF YOU DON'T EVEN SHOW THAT YOU'RE KEEN ON IMPROVING, APPARENTLY, NOT.

`x estee x`

RICHARD CHAN,
you 'rock' big time.
now i'm in this shit,
BECAUSE OF YOU.
WALAOOOOO!
NOBODY ask you add PEPPER&SALT right! :/

`x estee x`

I TOTALLY MISS AH LIU LAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
& STEADYS,JOSEPH(suprisingly! =x)!

JOANNAtheBLURGIRL! :D hahaha, so freaking hilarious can! :)

`x estee x`

its over.
gone.
impossible to be back.
its the end of this friendship.
i _____________ have _____________ nothing __________ to __________ say .

`x estee x`

:/ i am in a very shitty crap mood.
why must all this happen?
i don't know.
i just know i'm sorry to you.

`x estee x`

was here and don't intend to blog!
basically, for the whole of april and till mid may!
perhaps i shall post after mid-may about the choir concert<3 & papa's b'day! :D
till then, goodbyeeee for a longgggg longgg time! :)

`x estee x`

my first post of April.
hmm, trip back to balai was okay.
not much pictures cause the whole purpose was '扫墓'
so its impossible for me to take photos of the graveyard and all.

did muchat least a little thinking there.
but still could not understand what my mind is thinking.
no matter what, i think I'm not going to care so much about it i guess.
have got more important things to care.
first priority for now :
Choir Concert on Tuesday!
i am anticipating and at the same time not.
not , because i feel i am not ready for it yet.
and theoretically, its my first major concert,
apart from the kasar's concert!
but i guess I'm gonna put in my very best,
and not to disappoint myself again!

MID-YEAR.
by hook or by crook,
I've gotta reduce the no. of subjects i failed by half.
which i think its possible,
if estee kho would wake up and work harder,
no, actually, work smarter.
i think no matter how much hard work i put in without smart work is like useless.
i remember hidayah told me this before :
"Study Hard, Study Smart!"
its still ringing in my head till now.
and i definitely remember myself blogging about it more than once! :D
so inspired by hidayah ! (:

sigh, life is such an irony.
it just takes a whole day for a person to have a change of heart.
how can the love be even true?
i wanna rant about the ironies of life!
since there's no one to talk to,
and i don't feel the least lethargic.
okay, i am supposed to be in bed like NOW.
but, i really can't! :/

yes, i remember that i wanted to rant about Singaporean kids!
i think we, Singaporean kids, are just way too lucky!
so people, please count your blessings!
going back to balai was quite an emotional disaster.
and yes so i am a sentimental person,
but its just so infuriating right.
i bet 90% of Singaporean kids can't survive in Indonesia for three days.
the student there are not given a proper education,
and has to go to the extent of even beg from others to survive!
not knowing how long more can they survive,
cause the people in Indonesia are not that well off either,
so its quite impossible to give those poor kids much. :/
some even know how to use their talent to earn money!
remembered passing by a household and i heard this little girl singing.
her vocals are like fabulous for her standard!

confided this matter to angel,
and she's right, we can't possibly help them,
cause there are just way too many of them.
so we should work hard now and be a useful citizen in the society and perhaps in the future '有钱出钱有力出力!' ^^
okay, my throat is getting scratchy now, so i better be off to slumber land. (:

if only the answer will be knocked into my senses one day.

`x estee x`