talking/bitching session with goodie was really (:
at least for once this week,
i really feel that there's someone who understands,
after so long.
ohmygod, this is like so deja vu!
feel like the scene that i am writing this post happened before.

right, so the feeling now is so shitty.
cause its like, misunderstandings and miscommunication are screwing my life up.
and whatever is it, its always my fault.
is it wrong that world peace is all i ask for?
why must there be hatred?
like i know, its part and parcel of life.

have you ever thought that your words can be really hurtful at times.
at least when i'm sorry, i apologised.
even if you're not happy on how the way i said it,
but at least i apologised.
even if i said in a tone that you don't like.
at least for what i think now, you didn't even realise or feel remorse at all.
this is really purely what i think.
but really, even if i was at fault, is it always mine?
a friendship that was once so close and treasured.
yes, you're very happy now.
i can see that, and i don't intend to disrupt this happy life of yours.
i am just sad, sad to know that this is the end, the end of a friendship that was so close.
but now the memories seem so distant.

really, i'm glad that you're very happy now.
maybe to you i've changed so much,
but yes, you can't deny that you changed too.
taking up leadership position is really tough,
and it definitely makes one change.
at least, i realised that i am changing every second.
yes, every moment.
my moodswings are getting too drastic.
sometimes, there's this side of me that is earning my freedom,
a life of how i want to lead.
then there's this side of me that will want to not care about everything,
school rules, character, the way i speak/portray myself.

life is so difficult now that i can just go high at one point and do things that i ain't supposed to.
its so difficult to be partial, and do what is right always.
okay, a vice-chairman is supposed to instill discipline and maintain the class in order.
yes, when i'm really in a clear state of mind, i follow what that is really right.
but sometimes, there's a tendency of breaking the principles that we're supposed to follow when i ain't thinking properly.
we aren't supposed to eat/drink in class,
and i did that yesterday.
yes, what kind of vice-chair i am?
let me tell you,
A SHITTY ONE.

and what's the use of feeling remorseful after the incident?
people wouldn't understand, and it just makes people even despise me even more.
some may feel that i'm trying to gain sympathy by drowning myself in self-pity.
honestly, i feel like giving up.
but will it solve the problem?
i shouldn't even be thinking about it.
cause if i were to be a girl who keeps thinking negatively and always choose to give up as an option,
i won't ever go far in life.

okay, i'm going to stop before it gets never-ending.
so i shall just do it this way :

To the People that I've offended in anyway,
I am sincerely sorry, but sometimes, I really can't control myself. I earnestly apologise to everyone of you out there. Yes, scold me pathetic for all you want, cause I want to start a whole new life where its just peace in my own world. Cause its never possible to make peace with everyone.
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[EDITED TEN MINUTES AFTER]
Mark is right.
SO,
I am gonna live my life like it is!
spreadthehappylove!

`x estee x`