Just another emotional account.

I stared the reflection on the glass panel,who is that girl I see?
I can't seem to revert back to think about the past me.
I can't seem to remember a single detail about how I was as a person last time.
I vividly remember I had always this low self-esteem carrying around with me all the time.
Then as I entered my first Secondary School,
Life was a major torture, I even wished I was dead.
Crying buckets and running away from reality had become a daily routine for me.

Then as I entered my second Secondary School,
I thought all was going really well for me.
I made new friends, regained back my old self of being sociable,
always keeping a smile on me as much as I can.

Then this Sec Two senior, whom I'll never forget for my whole life,
came into my life; Judaxil brought us together.
The hilarious moments during Sec One whereby he started calling me "Jerome's Brother",
and I got really mad cause I was obviously a GIRL.
It was also around that period that I got myself a boyfriend,
it was all sweet and nice.
Then, all the emotional days begun,
communication problems and not being able to trust each other,
we reckoned that we were better off friends.
And yes indeed, we are really good friends now.
Then, him being my first love after all, ( I don't count Joseph cause it was PUPPY LOVE )
things got rather out of hand/emotional.

For the whole of my Secondary Two life,
I was stuck in my own world yet again.
There were great friends that backed me up, really great friends.
Though some stayed as close friends now,
few had already departed from my world.
All the bitch war/cat fight started,
and now I begin to wonder perhaps it was all my fault at the very start.
Perhaps, 'forgiving and forget' may really seem as a hypocritical thing.
Then I began to lose my sense of judgement,
things really got out of hand.
But it was also at that point of time when I felt all the warmth I needed,
from the people who cared.

I met an "Angel" that has been really kind to me till today.
She's really a great friend, a great listener, a great motivator.
Don't know why, I can't seem to be able to divide my time to my friends proportionately.
And my friends can never get along well together.
Maybe I made a really wrong decision to step into my present school.
I suppose the lives of the people I know in this school would have been much better,
without my presence from the very beginning.
I should have stayed on at my first school,
suffer from depression. ( I guessed there's nothing to hide anymore.)
Yeah, I suffered from depression before.
Unbelievable? Maybe that's why I have such low self-esteem,
and maybe a lil' too sensitive.

Sec Three was a whole new life with a whole new clique.
Got separated from certain people,
but am contented that I can at least get back with one of them now.
Though I still feel that our friendship should not even have drifted
cause of her relationship with her boyfriend then.
But now, it's about looking forward, anticipating change, staying relevant.
And we are definitely staying relevant,
from the previous posts of webcam madness.

Now, my life revolves around with a whole new group of people again,
and I am beginning to wonder, where do I even begin with naming any one of them,
"A truly sincerely best friend", besides my present guy best friend,
who is now most probably packed with his JC life,
and me with my sec four O' levels life.

Why must time move on like as if everyone are able to move on,
from where they left, from where they have to pick themselves up,
when they themselves, don't even know where to start?

`x estee x`