Hellos! right here in SCHOOL now. xP
I very naughty right? hahas' now still use com.
hmms' FYE is coming.
Prediction: Fail at least 1 at most 3 subjects bahx.
haix. Is like, I dunno lorx.
Have been working hard lexz.
BUT guess is not DAMN hard bahx.
Therefore, this weekend you'll see me hanging out at some place in central to study.
Most probably this sat studyin with Undram only bahx.
Cause don't wanna call the rest along or else Undram will feel left out. =/
yeahh' so sorry to all e peepz out ddere who i studied with on TUESDAY! =(
'estee WILL study with ya all next week k?
PROMISE! although my blog put NO PROMISES.
hahas' but it does not mean ANYTHING ok.
For the first time ever I'm put a song that doesn't mean anything to ME. (:
hahas'

well, forgot to blog about TUESDAY happenings.
went to KFC with 10 peeps.
Shu Ting, Si Hui, Li Jin, Joanna, Wan Jie, Undram, Eugene, Austin & Danny.
hahas'
all my FAMILY! (: so HAPPY! like in the neoprints we took. -HAPPY TOGETHER-
anyways' yeahh;
after studying went to take neoprints. took TWICE.
and the FIRST one RAWK LOTS MORE THAN THE SECOND one.
yeahh' that's all bahx.
hmms'
BELL is ringinnng soon. so yeahh'
ta-da! xoxo xP

'estee

There isn't anything I can do to really HELP.
One thinks this way, the other thinks another way.
wadd am i supposed to DO?


you've CHANGED.
ever since the day i know you till NOW.
TOTALLY.
you are no longer whom i think you are.
please be your USUAL self?
the YOU that i know?

not NOW which seems to be a STRANGER to ME.


and to another person.
It's not the END of this FRIENDSHIP.
it's just a ONE-SIDED thinking to you.
so just STAY strong & patch up soon k?

-confused 'estee

heys!
went to school in e morning as usual.
just that stayed in school till 5plus for the screening of "The Good Earth".
kinda reluctant to stay back though, cuz it wasn't really nice.
but nvm. (:

hmms' JudaxiL asked me a question on Friday.
But JudaxiL I'd have to say, I don't know how to answer the question.
Well, it's up to you whether you wanna take it as a YES or a NO.
I'm fine with any answer that you think it's the ANSWER.
yeahh' (: happy guessing!

There isn't any school tomorrow so yeahh'
will be hanging out with the peeps at KFC. xP
Gotta go now. Byez! (:

It's been ages since I really write a post that most of you understand.
and yeahh' sorry liJIN.
try to explain to ya the post on monday. (:

yeahh'
woke up at 11plus today. xP
hmm.
ate vegetarian bee-hoon for lunch?
then studied for around an hour plus or so.
den walk around the house.
sian-ed.

then after that asked mum if wanna go shopping.
i needed to buy my stationery anyways. xD
yeahh'
in the end went to TM & CS. (x
yupps;
wore a black top with denim skirt today with a necklace someone bought. =/
erm. dunn care the sad face.
and yeahh'

First stop: BATA
buy school shoes.
present school shoe the bottom got hole.
cause of FRICTION.
causes wear & tear.
myGOD! too much physics liaos. xP

then after that went to M-Industrie.
yeahh!
bought 2 tops and 1 bottom.
- a purple top.
- a white halter neck.
- a skirt.

all very nice! so yeahh' bought it.
but that's for CNY. x/
so yeahh' can't wait for CNY to come.
then can wear all my new clothes with the accesories i bought two weeks ago. xP
then after that walk walk until TM.
Mum saw something nice for herself and decided to go in BYSI.
In the end she bought like 3 or 4 pieces?
myGOD! great shopper man!
hahas'
then while she was trying tracy(my cuzzie) called.
yepps; she wanted to join me but then was going to go home soon.
then is like too late liaos lahx.
shop can only shop for a while.
so tomorrow then she come.
and i have to accompany this PRINCESS. xP
hahas' also help to find some lovely clothes for her.
and yeahh' ate mee goreng at wan jie & riffin's house ddere for dinner.
mmm.. and of cuz walked home from ddere.
we are HEALTHY people! xD

and yepps;
the schedule for tomorrow.
-wake up at 7 and go jogging.
-hang out with tracy(my cuzzie) at TM.
-study for at LEAST 2hrs.
-SLEEP! ZzzZzzZzzZzzZ xP

then here i am! posting on my beloved com. hahas' it just recovered.
that's all.
think i'm gonna study bit more later.
nitez and sweet dreams honeys!

'estee

don't know why.

always missing someone deeply but always try to hide it.

think i ain't angry anymore.

or i shouldn't even be in the first place.

why did things turn out this way.

-SINCERELYfrommyHEART.- <3

♥ -storyOFmyLIFE.- ♥
Chapter THREE.

Having to come till this POINT
makes me clueless of what
I want to SAY.
Days past each DAY.
Not knowing the WAY.
I PRAY each DAY.
To know the answer one DAY.
Filled with ANGER & SORROW
the moment he CAME.
WHY did he do that I SAY.
Wanting to know the REASON
right AWAY.
Is it my wrong for doing THIS
I asked myself to be really BRAVE.
Seeing STARES everyday.
Hearing NAMES everyday.
Wanting to end this ONCE & FOR ALL
But what will happen if he FALLS.

'estee

Couldn't stand the stares and calling of "...." anymore.

-DEPRESSEDdeeply-

Two songs which will make me very vulnerable.

-VULNERABLEvision-

What can I do to stop those tears flowing down.

-BITTERtears-

'estee

♥ -storyOFmyLIFE.- ♥
Chapter TWO.

I don't know WHY.
This feeling just won't go AWAY.
This has got to be the CRAPPIEST feeling.
The reason it causes
just HURTS.
A MILLION tears just flowed down.
Not knowing what to do.
Not knowing what to say.
There isn't any CARE & CONCERN.
No LOVE.
No WARMTH.
Never-ending tears bitterly flowed.

Now & Then.

Under The Girl.

FANTASY'

REALITY'

-MissMISUNDERSTOOD-

UNFaiR & UNjuST.

'estee

I am THE MOST crappiest person that's got to BE!
WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL?

Kho Xiao Juan Estee!
YOU are the CRAPPIEST person!
MOST CRAPPIEST PERSON!

REALLY arhx!

IDIOTIC-
STUPID-
CRAZY-
CRAPPY-
SADDIST-

CRAP CRAP CRAP lahx!

-IMPERFECTme.-

I AGREE WITH JIE!
SUNDAYS are BORING!!!

hmms'
woke up early in the morning.
yeahh' and then mum bought wantan mee for breakfast.
hmmm...
then after that studied history and science for a while.
then dad asked if i wanted to play mahjong.
cuz he wanna play table-tennis.
yeahh' x)

and yeahh i sit down.
and guess WADD?
i won for him LOTS! (;
eeeee....
just found out that i cannot have any tips. =/
NO FAIR!
next time i dunn play already! hmpf!

nothing else to say lexz.
Ciaos' hEaRtz-estee.™

heyheys! (:

woke up EARLY in the morning to go to BISHAN.
hahas'
went to tutor Jie Yi. (:

hmms'
then after that for dinner went to Parkway Parade and ate at Banquet.
then shop shop here and ddere.
and HERE i am.

nothing much to blog about.
yepps;
hahas'
so yeahh' nitez! (:

guess wadd?

The day didn't start off well, instead it was TERRIBLE!
reached school at 7.05am like that.
then around 7.30am. was being called to go find mdm sharifah.
WITHOUT even giving us TIME to explain, she just immediately send us for detention.
Cause didn't attend yesterday's remedial.
but if I didn't make it for yesterday's song dedication, then the whole dedication thing cannot be carried out. I can't leave my mp3 ddere. alone.
so had to skip remedial.
in the end, mdm sharifah just asked us to copy the correct answers and pass up to her then can go lexz.
hmms'
didn't had a good day today. =/
instead, it was both ANGER & SADNESS. =/
angry because of SHAUN TAN.
He managed to get Mr Lo to let him change his place, then ppl begin changing their seats.
then is like i have to move up and now i am sitting with guys around me. ahhhh!
Front: Navin
Back: Jeremy
Left: Shaun
Right: Austin
myGOD! =/ so SUAY! hmpf!

band had their lunch time concert anyways. yeahh'
COOL! they played "that thing you do" nice catchy song.
hmms' and yeahh' the BAND just sounded so COOL lorx!
but too bad didn't had the chance to go watch it.
only had the chance to hear it.
sorry wen shee, jia ying & chun hong. =/

yeahh' then after school went to study with si hui and li jin.
went to 3rd floor avt outside there.
yepps;
studied history.
whew! today is a tiring day. =/
ZzzzzZzzzZzZzzZzZzzZzzzzZZZzz.
shall end here then' nitez! (:

hmms'
Today was the LAST day of the SONG DEDICATION!
WOOTS! xP
hahas'
out of all the 4 days. today earned the most! (: yeppies! x)
hmms'
i think i gonna be dead. =X
because of the song dedication thingy and the ORAL practice.
I actually skipped science remedial.
then just now they say mdm sharifah wants to see me & shaun.
cuz we didn't turn up for remedial. =/
but if i go for remedial then cannot lend them my mp3.
then the whole thing cannot be in progress.
then that STUPID JOHN don't even noe anything then crapp'
then i shouted at him so fierce at the canteen just now. ooppssie. =X
but he damn irritating lorx. idiot!

then just now got pissed off by Jonathan.
didn't get the facts right then say I.........
erms. cannot say. or the rest will DIE.
>-(

haix. just now went to "celebrate" with shuTING, liJIN, euGENE.
FINALLY the song dedication thingy finish lexz.
so now is BACK to study. (:
hmms' went to yum-yum? euGENE intro to us.
then is like down there keep on crapping with kenneth from 1b de.
lols lahx he.
hmms' then bought french fries (o.O JudaxiL) hahas' and yupps; then send to euGENE to 29 bus stop.
yepps;
hehex. (:
then send liJIN home. then I send shuTING to 18 bus stop.
yepps;
then went home. but before that.. stayed at the lift there and sit somewhere near there for a while.
was thinking about something.
gotta eat my dinner lexz.
byes! (:

♥ -storyOFmyLIFE.- ♥
Chapter ONE.
It kills him INSIDE.
I can see him DYING.
I don't wanna do this ANYMORE.
I don't wanna be the REASON WHY.
Everytime I walk out the DOOR.
I see him dying little more INSIDE.
I don't wanna HURT him ANYMORE.
I don't wanna take away his LIFE.
I don't wanna be a MURDERER.
I DON'T WANNA DO THIS ANYMORE.


TIME needed to HEAL.

heys! (:

hmms. these few days very tired. =/
because of the song dedication thing.
TIRED TIRED TIRED!

arghhhhhhh.....
I'm going crazy.
keep on screaming.
for nothing.
Jerome pissing me off.
But i these few days temper very bad at home.
dunno whys.
head damn pain when i get too worked out.

haix. wei chong' said something today. make me feel so guilty.
sorry wei chong. =/
sorry austin too! but i know he won't read blog so forget it.
haix' just becouz bluff him that i go dedicate a song for him to "someone" then he angry with me lexz. he angry a bit scary sehz.

dunnoe why i feel so empty these few days.
just feel something isn't right.
this song just SUITS me.
and i mean ONLY the CHORUS.
later post for you all the lyrics.

the emptiness is making me tired and lost.
what is my next step?
what will be the future?
what is gonna happen?

Riffin just asked me a question.
AM i GUILTY?
Answer: there are certain things that i am guilty of. haix. hear my song and you noe lexz.

heyheys! (:

wanna talk about Saturday.
yeahh'
cause wasn't been able to use the com that night & yesterday.. so can only blog today.
yepps;
went to BISHAN rite?
hmms. in the afternoon went out with granny, da-yi, er-yi, san-yi, mummy and cuzzies they all shopping.
HOORAY!
bought so many accessories.
let's see.. pearl necklace, heart-pendant necklace, heart anklet..
yepps; 3 accesories on ONE day.
heh-hehs.
but can only wear it on Christmas or Chinese New Year. sobs. =/
hahas; but at least i get to WEAR it yeahh'?
always look on the BRIGHT side.
hehex. xP

hmms' yeahh.
then took lotsa pics at Boat Quay.
hehex. shall get wei ying to send me the pics asap!
yeahh;
today...
got back results.
guess wadd?
ESTEE KHO FAILED CHINESE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!
myGOD! haix. tsk tsk.
must be kena influence by RIFFIN & GANG who always say chinese CMI!
haix.
kiddin lahx' not their fault. xP
then that Mr Poh Yong BIAS sehz!! haix. HATE him lorx.
BUT I still very happy. For Chem/Bio.
Highest in class in 19.5/25.
yeahh'
and i got 16/25.
yeahh! (:
chem/bio RAWKS TO THE CORE, MANTLE, CRUST!
hehex. xP
Mdm Sharifah RAWKS too! (:
yeahh.
then english got 30/50.
all borderline lahx.
but still happy!
hahas'
yeahh;
today song dedication.
at first i thought is like haix shi bai shi bai.
but in the end the result was what i never expected lorx!
hahas;
think should thank the CHOIR peeps.
yeahh! we'll be playing their songs tomorrow.
yeahh'
THANKS to Jerrold(kor), Keat Hui, Wei Jin..
hehex. thanks for helping me! (:
shall end here.
still got lotsa things to do!
*buzz*..... byez! (:

heyheys! (:

guess where i am now?
not in TAMPINES.
GUESS. GUESS. GUESS.
haha's yepps; BISHAN.
my second home?
BABY that time i stay here de mahx.
for a while only i think?
hmms'

let's see.
yesterday woke up as EARLY as 9++am.
was supposed to go Singapore Polytechnic Graduate's Guild at 9am.
but in the end Ting Ting woke up late.
hmms.
yeahh' then used the com for a while.
hmms'
then at around 10.30am she came to fetch me.
then at around 11.15am we reached there.
was supposed to go bowling with Shu Ting they all de.
SORRY. =/

yupps;
so at SPGG.. only ME & TING TING there.
so that means we can have the WHOLE pool to ourseleves! yeahh!
yepps;
swam for a while. 1/2 hr like that?
then after that go take a bath.
then play some arcade.
then went down to the poolside cafe & ordered Potato Wedges & Chicken Nuggets with French Fries.
Man! Wei Chong is so ENVY! hahas'
yupps; after that uncle sim came and fetch us. then after that pass by Junction 8.
and SUDDENLY, ting ting wanna watch movie. then i agreed.
so before that we went to san-yi's house to see if jie yi and jie yan can go.
in the end cannot.
so HERE I AM.
in BISHAN.
hahas'
then after that tutor jie yi and jie yan their homework.
then they go swimming. jie yang came back.
and we kinda wreck havoc. =X
played pillow fight. hahas'
then after that uncle came back with our dinner.
ate hokkien mee.
hmms.
yepps;
then watch tv.. listen mp3.. sing.. chat.. SLEEP.
hahas'
that's all bahx..
shall blog abt later when i reach home. (:
ChiaoS! (:


TIME is wad i really NEED.
#for a moment of TRUTH.

Today, has to be the most "suay" day i guess.
Went out with Shu Ting & Darx aka Joanna.
Left the house at 12.45pm?
Reached school at 12.55pm and waiter for Darx until 1.35pm like that.
hmms' then went to library to meet ah-mahs.
then search for "Black Beauty" for our English Holiday Homework.
hmms'
Searching the book for about 15mins or so still cannot find.
In the end we gave up and decided to head towards TM to eat.
after that' we walk and walk.. to yoshinoya..then find find find..
in the end also go kfc and have our lunch. xP

at the beginning was alright. till 8mins later.. Austin, Shaun, Davin, Kok Leong, Han Wen came in to kfc.
myGOD!
at first was afraid that tenors would go kfc.
cause somehow choir people are CRAZY over kfc.
hmms'
then after buying our food.. we sat down and eat.
UNTIL....
another gang of tenor & alto people came in..
myGOD!
that is when i FREAKED my life out..
didn't wanted to let that person see me cause i noe it isn't the right time.
haix.
don't talk abt it le lahx.
after that go home. ah-mahs came home with me.
yeahh'
and then we chatted.
in the end she went home with mummy aka SiHui.
hmms'
then walk halfway.
my sandals BROKE!
ahhh...
then walked bare-footed.
then i think just now in the lift cut myself.
but is minor.
so yeahh'
hmms' practically that's all?
and yeahh'
the GAY riffin triple killed today in just now game.
hmms'
that's all bahx.
nitez everyone!
-FRUSTRATEDmood- =/

Continue Of 1st July '06


Li Family.


Soon Family.


Swee Family.


Sim Family.


Koh Family.


Kho Family.


18 cuzzies united.

Taken on 1st July '06-Grandma's B'day(the MOST memorable day)


THIRTEENbabes-. (:
Front Row: Tsern Ting, Xiao Juan, Jie Yan, Wei Ying, Hui Ying, Pei Ling, Pei En.(nice shot. xP)
Back Row: Li Yun, Li Ling, Jie Yi, Li Wen, Pei Xuan, Xiao Fen.


THIRTEENbabes once again. (x


EIGHTEENbabes&hunks with grandma BOSS. (: -happyTOGETHER.-


mii & yiing. heex. xP

Pictures taken on 26th August. Sister's b'day. xP


XiaoJUAN&XiaoFEN-.


familyofFIVE.


JEROME&ESTEE.

Thanks everyone for your concern.
suddenly, EVERYTHING is back to what it USED TO be.
LOVE is now a phobia to me.
don't know why.
but it's SCARY.
but i think it's only SCARY when you are HURT more than ONCE.
but this time is me HURTING someone.
No matter what, I'm still SORRY.
I know it won't change anything.
but just glad that you're moving on.

The FEAR just gets stronger.
Its no longer LOVE to me.
Things have changed.
I don't know what.
but it really CHANGED.
Every minute,
Every seconds,
I'd feel like breaking down.
and in the END.
-breakDOWN- is what I really did.
It has really become a FEAR for me.
The FEAR is just too much for me to handle.
I want to say out something.
I want to break free.
breakingFREE is alliwanted;
I'msorry-.
I don't know what have come into me.
it could have been -aMISTAKEonceMADE-.
My heart beating every seconds, faster & faster.
what is really #theINSIDEofME no one would ever UNDERSTAND.
all i ask for; is to LEAVE ME ALONE.
SORRY.
-brokenDOWNme- estee'

heys! (:

was supposed to post this yesterday' hahas' but in the end i no time. so saved as draft. xP

SUNDAY
woke up at 12 plus again today. xP
yesh; piggy me. xD
hahas'

yeahh' so woke up and found out that Dad actually cook WESTERN FOOD for lunch!
myGOD!
everyday also eat western food.
no wonder i so FAT lexz. =(
yeahh'
but i guess i am SO gonna make myself thinner like before?
haix! maybe i should make a list of DON'Ts for myself.
1. NO more hotfudge. (that's difficult. =/ )
2. NO more chocolates. (that's difficult too! =/ )
3. NO more FRIED FOOD. (it isn't that difficult i guess. xP)
4. NO more lazing around. (guess i always do that' xP)
5. NO more sleeping till so late. (o.O that's hard. i am a PIG!)

yeahh' so that's wad i wanted to post yesterday.

hmms.
today play bball with the peepz?
yeahh' kinda bored.
so decided to leave earlier and headed to east link mall for our TEA-TIME.
hahas'
yeahh.
so i was with shu ting(ah-mahs) o.O miss her and wei chong lots! xP
they are FINALLY back from malaysia.
both back with a hair-cut.
hehex.

sorry peeps. don't feel like blogging already.
suddenly what someone said just make me feel like ......
forget it.
nites everyone! ):

-aMISTAKEonceMADE
-caused ME to be in this-
alliwanted; is to say I'm SORRY for whatever happens.
I am really SORRY.

heyheys! (:

ooPpsIe. =X
woke up at 12.40pm today.
hahas.
O.o gimme one sec.
music too loud........
ok.. back! (:
hahas'

well, nothing special happened today.
haix.
i miss AH-MAHS & WEI CHONG!
when will you both be back? =/
hmms.
come to think of it.
dunno why i am missing wei chong. xP
remember the first time i saw him see him bu shuang.
den keep on dao-ing him.
then small things also must quarrel with him.
then after that dunno whys suddenly make peace with him. hahas' x)
hope that they will be back AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
ah-mahs' i very sianz. =/

oh yeahh' and the peeps are planning to play bball on monday.
ehs.. any more info can call, msg me on my hp or msn. kkies.
signing off------> 'estee miss ah-mahs & wei choNg.

CT is finally OVER!
hahas' and here are the holidays!
anyone wanna play bball one of é days next week?

sianz.
now ah-mahs and WC go malaysia.
when will they be back?

okies.
get back to CT.
myGOD!
is like!
arghh!
GEOGRAPHY! i am so not going to make it.
it's supposed to be the EASIEST!
but it turned out to be THE most difficult!
=/ sobs.

wells.
guess everyone miss my lao dao-ness.
heh-heh.
well, 6-2 met up yesterday.
and guess wad?
i make sure that yesterday WILL be my last day that i am SO gonna hang out with them!
so freaking IDIOTIC lorx.
ask them to take just ONE class photo and the GUYS don't wanna co-operate.
even nu ren also dun wanna cooperate.
then Jia Xin and Lily run away.
ONLY Wan Jing and Hui Yuan took one.
but just now asked liu and he said only got ONE photo of Joseph.
haix. forget it!
shall just take it that this class didn't existed in my life.
-My Life
-My World
-My Own
I'm just not gonna give a damn already.
it's just so frustrating.

hmmms.. don't talk abt my class lexz.
yeahh'
so today i was like wanted to wake up at 12++ as wadd i told riffin.
then in the end woke up at 10.30?
hmms'
today no.Link vs my luv (3d'06)
of course no.Link will win?
cause got Jerome mahx. xP
hahas.
kiddin larx.
still got ya kai, bryan, rifiin and nicholas lehx.
so of course can win de lorx. (:
have confidence in them.
even though there isn't wei chong.
but i BELIEVE they can make it right?
yeahhs'
GO no.Link! jiayous! (: