she feels all fall apart ; she don't know if she should give up.

deep down, i really wish to know the truth . :/

i really don't have the willpower to wait any longer ; but i still love you so .

`x estee x`

Create your own Friend Test here
TRY IT OUT ! :D that last question ; its you my love .

`x estee x`

when she ain't thinking ; she longs for the happy moments to come back to her .

lessons today were as usual ~

nothing much happened .

after school, was on my way home then saw doreen .

waited for 28 with her .

at the same time , chatted with her . [:

wells ' then headed home with jiawen , janice & siying after buying bubble tea .

alvan, keat hui & elvis came .

& guess what they were doing ?!

wells ' maybe i shan't say much .

so changed & use the com .

around 45minutes later, smsed iris to ask if wanna study .

& so yeahs '

changed & meet her at 29 bus-stop .

took 29 to her house . [:

iris mum found out we didn't eat , & so she prepared cup noodles for us .

i really had no appetite, but oh wells . :/

thanks anyways aunty ! :D

& so, after eating thought we could proceed to our study .

but ended up some interesting things instead ! :D

its kinda confidential, so i can't reveal what is it .

but , i really had fun ! :)

if you know me well, here's the clue !

it has something to do with what i wanna be when i grow up ! :D

rights , & so i stayed there till 7 .

took 29 with iris's mum as she had to buy dinner for iris & her brother, victor ?

chatted with her . (:

& it was real nice !

DARLING ~ you have a UBER COOL mum ! :D

& so here i am . :

wells' don't feel like blogging any more .

perhaps i shall do my maths later ,

& that is if i know how ! ):

each day & each night ; my mind if filled with sweet-nothings but you .

`x estee x`

* SCRRRREAMMMMMS &SIGHHHHHHHHHHS ! * :/

wells, i seriously feel weird & random .

like stupid drastic change of mood & emotions .

i am like so dangerous ! o.O

whateveranything !

& like hell, CHIVAS(its a drink, FYI .) ! ):

the young adults get to go to the ___ & drink !

like us , weijie'jieyang'me'tingting'liwen'jieyi'jieyan , onwards ;

are like so not allowed to !
wells, i almost did ! :/

like cause daddy fetch mummy home .

& my two irritating(in the way that they are OLD enough) siblings get to go !

& i can't possibly take cab alone home rights ?

but in the end , er-yi sent me home .

but actually , brother isn't really allowed lah ! :////////

* SCRRREAAMMMS ! * ; its so unfair !

drinking vodka itself is already like nice(: enough .

but there wasn't any yesterday . :

& yesterday was like the best moment to get drunk .

yeah , like as if i would .

i didn't get drunk before !

which is a good thing ! :DD

arghh!

i wanna be eighteen sooon ~ !

or is it twenty-one ?

uhhs ' nevermind .

i shall enjoy my teenage life for now .

maybe drinking isn't the only way to forget one's troubles .

& yes so, today , i don't know why .

i felt so tired just now . :(

woke up at 11plus & studied , ate & slept back .

woke up around 4 plus , & tried to study again .

but failed to do so . :/

ate dinner at 5 plus & then read reader's digest .

& gosh' just what's the world coming to ?

CHILD SEX SLAVERY !

like seriously beasts ! ' get your fuckin' hands off those poor child !

they are just kids' alright !?

go fuck someone else that you love .

FUCK OFF !

okay' i shall relax & calm down .

but , seriously, its just so fuckin' saddist !

god ! i can't stop freakkkking use that "F" word !
like who would stop when they read that article ?!

i think i better stop here ' :

i'm feeling utterly messed up ; is what he said true ?

`x estee x`

PHOTOS ; 280707<3

myseconddearest(: ; isn't he a hunk ? :D

i was bored ! :PP
ZILIANQUEEN !(:

I FIND THIS SCARY . :X

INFINITYLOVES* / x ; dearest<3

MSKHO'MRKOH'MRSWEE(:

ooppsie ! weijie kena cut off ! :P

& againnn ! :PP

me&seconddearest(: ; jieyang

we love each other ' (:

mythirddearest(: ; weijie

mytwodearest(: ; jieyang'xiaojuan'weijie

mydarlings(: ; jieyan'xiaojuan'liling<3

YEAR 93's ; TINGTINGshoes'LIWENhighcutshoes'XIAOJUANflats(:

we love our shoes (: ; THE BLACK & WHITES:Dain't she cute! [:

darlingTWO(: ; liwen

its us again ! :D

estee&celia ; <3

its the reflection by the hand-dryer ! :)

she's such a darling girl (:

ETERNITYLOVES* / x ; tracy'estee'celia:D

we're all together ! :)

myfirstdarling ; tracy'tsernting

DA JIE ; peiling<3

mythirddarling ; celia'jieyi

KISSES* / x ; baby, one more time '

my camwhore partner' :D

myfourthdarling ; cheryl'jieyan

& another darling girl (:

TRUE SMILES WITHIN :D

& its us againnn ! :D

do you know how much i love my hair ? :DD

i yearn for a photo with you, my dearest .

`x estee x`

woots ~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA ! :D

yepps '

once again , its my dearest grandmum's birthday ! (:

& everyone had lotsa fun !

though i personally feel last year's one was more fun .

like there's vodka last year , but not this year . ):

but, then again , its still a nice birthday for mama ! :D

photos shall explain it all !

the best part was the photo-taking ! :D

i took quite a number on my handphone .

rather the formal ones are in the camera . (:

well's shall post the photos on the next post ! :D

goodnights ~ ! [:

when there was emo time just now ; my mind was just thinking all about you .

`x estee x`

OH YEAHS ~

I FOUND SOMETHING REAL COOL from ice-angel's blog ! :D

you've to move it from left to right ! & yeahs' click the picture first ! (:

http://wvs.topleftpixel.com/flash/cntower_timelapse.swf

NICE eh ? :DD

OH, MY, TIAN !

this is like the greatest scenery ! (:

BUT I THINK PARIS WILL BE NICER ~

oh wells !

shall wait when i'm more independent to travel alone ~ !

which will be years later ... :

SIGHHS'

MY DREAM HONEYMOON ! :)

& LAOGONG! , don't forget ! [:
SPAINNN & PARISSS ! <33

if only you can travel to paris with me .

`x estee x`

i don't know what to say here . :/

forget it, i shall blog at my private blog ! :D

one year ago ; mysilent-sayings.blogspot.com

`x estee x`

its just so freaking unfair .

my whole life is living in guilt .

you think i don't feel anything ?

you contradicted me until i feel i can't even control my own belongings .

tell me, when did you not threaten me ?

i always have to give in to you .

because I AM THE YOUNGEST .

you think being the youngest very easy ?

times have changed, & when i get better things than what

you all got when you're at the same age, you all have to object this & that .

because of this, a quarrel will always happen .

& whatever happens, i'll always be the one at fault .

there are times that i didn't do anything to agitate you all,

but i just get chided for being irritating & such .

do you know how tired i am ?

you all don't even bother how i felt .

you all can feel frustrated & have moodswings .

can't i ? ( I'M A HUMAN TOO OKAY ! )

& when i do, you'll always get back at me with the same old sentence :

" Give this kind of attitude some more! HMPF! you're getting from BAD TO WORST . "

whatever!anything , i'm just too tired to go on .

cause nothing will change the fact that i'm the youngest .

& as the youngest one, i've to put up with all these . )':

dearest ; can you get me out of here ?

`x estee x`

E-LEARNING DAY ! (:

oh..kay !
i admit !
i woke up at 9 sharp !
when the test starts at 9 ! :/
but i did managed to finish it up ! :D

oh'wells .
started off with geography . (:
hmms' though today's tests&quizzes aren't really my favourites ,
but its okay ! (:
i had fun !
just that in the morning started off quite bad ,
when something happened ! >;(

ughh'
let's just put the unhappy things aside & talk about HAPPY things ! :D
uhhs '
what happy things do i've to say ? ;/
*think* *think* *think* !
well ... uhhs .... oh yeah !
i'm going to the PHONESPITAL later ! :D
cause dearest is discharged ! :)
*JUMPS FOR JOY* :DD

let's see '
& IRIS IS GOING WITH ME ~
thanks darling! :D
while waiting for her to get ready, i'm here ! [:

oh shucks !
she's left , so wells ~
toodles people ! :D
i'll be back with happy news ! :)

maybe i'm happy on the outside, but not the inside . :/

`x estee x`

& MY DEEAREST IS NOT BACK YETTTT ! ):

to think i was LOOKING FORWARD to today for it ! )';

& I dreading today real badly ! ):

one ; GEOGRAPHY !

everyone thought there was a test today,

but it turned out to be tomorrow !

so it was alright .

two ; ORAL !

i really had the reason to freak out, being the first one .

but it turned out quite alright .

just that i really freaked out totally !

Mr.Jain is kinda nice ! :D

sighhs '

i'm kinda frustrated now !

i want my dearest back ! ):

at least by friday ? ;\

27 ; that number just keeps appearing this few days . :/

`x estee x`

TIRED . TIRED . TIRED .

i'm just so freaking tired .

there's just so many things left unsaid .

& many things left undone .

i really wish i can trash it all out .

just in one day .

without any hard feelings .

those eyes are still never forgotten ; i never will .

why am i still talking to myself ?

hoping everything will just turn out right .

when in the end, nothing goes right .

can someone just scold me stupid ?

i really feel i am .

why am i still trying to hold back those crystals that are forming in my eyes ?

`x estee x`

YAYS ~

I AM GROWING UP !
i'm sick & tired of being EMO!:\

RIGHT NOW , I'M IN
the "get-tired-of-being-emo-and-dark" stage ! :D

that's what LAOGONG says ! :)

i want to give up , i can't wait any longer. ; but its never easy , so i don't think i will .

`x estee x`

MOODSWING ! MOOSWING ! MOODSWING !

GET LOST ! ):

sorry, weichong . :/

moodswingsaremuchhated .

you won't understand ; the pain within .

`x estee x`

RACIAL HARMONY DAY .


& so as expected , went in class & i was the only one who wore ethnic costumes today . =/
they just can't be co-operative eh ?
wells '
took a few shot with zerlina & iffah ! :D
urghh '
i don't feel like posting anymore .
just some freaking moodswings .
they just spoil my mood so bad !
& he had to add on .


fucksorry i'm just so fucking unreasonable .
look ! its my life .
i mess with my life, i do what i like .
i don't need you to tell me what to do .
you just had to irritate me with those fucking words of yours at this time .
well, let me tell you .
its such a bad timing .
whateveranything .
i'm just too tired to care about anything .

i can't wait for the ending of this fairytale .

`x estee x`

SHA JING YONG !

you're so getting on my nerves !

you this UN-GENTLEMAN , IDIOTIC , guyGAY !

mylove; get well soon please ? ):

`x estee x`

my dearest handphone !

please don't die on me ! ):

PLEASE REVIVE ! :'(

I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU ! ):

i can't live without YOU too .

COME BACK TO ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!

`x estee x`

yes , & i never will .

forget ; its just so hard to . )':

`x estee x`

say me crazy people ! :D

cause apparently i went to watch TRANSFORMERS this morning again !

yays ~

& i mean its a 0050hrs show @ amk hub cathay . :D

& I WANNA WATCH IT AGAIN .

& again ..... it shall never end . [:

woots ~

two times were with lovely people ! :D

remember my first time was with iris, hweesze & brenda ! :D
yeahhh ~ !

all the SOPRANOtwo girl girl . :)

& yeahh '

so the show practically ended at 0315hrs ?

& by the time reached home was already 0340hrs .

showered & tried to sleep .

but think only managed to sleep only around 0430hrs ?

woke up at 0958hrs today ! :)

means i only sleep for 5 1/2 hours . ):

heck , rushed to prepare & motor-biked down to qiaonan primary to play table-tennis with dad .

i was asked to play with this primaryFOUR boy from st.hilda's . ):

& GOD SAKE ! ITS BEEN A BLUE MOON SINCE I LAST TOUCHED THAT BAT !

so i started off real ~ sucky !

but slowly, got hang of it & yay ~ ! :D

so after the whole thing which ended around 1400hrs ,

motor-biked down again to Tampines Mall & meet weichong(: .

gotta run an errand for kangqi(: .

& weichong was the ATM . =X

this tuesday's gonna be so sweet ! :)

after the "errand" , parted with weichong(: & bused home .

took 293 , cause wanted to slackk___(fill in yourself) in the bus .

BAHHH ! ):

whateveranything, life's getting ___(& again .) these few days .

i feel like smashing all the table-tennis balls that will come to me .

one way to vent my emotions last time .

but i wasn't that ___(& again ..) those days .

i don't see why i should ask you people to fill in the blanks .

but i just don't wish to spell out that word .

its becoming an addiction .

a habit .

& i wanna break that habit so so badly .

cause its seriously affecting my life .

i wanna move on .

i know whatwho's preventing me from moving on .

but i choose this path .

so i don't blame anyone .

or even expect anyone to help .

cause i'm just that ___(& again ...) .

you've to accept the fact that estee kho has changed .

some may hate it ,

some may like it .

& now , i don't wanna bother who's liking or hating it .

at least i know , i won't move on .

& so , i don't wanna pull anyone down with me .

so let me go through this on my own .

or else, i'd just DROWN you with my ___-ness(it's always it) .

yeahh ' people care .

but mine has come to a state that i have to let those who cares down .

zerlina, iris, jerrold, kokleong, shuting, weichong, mark .

you may wonder why your name is up there .

but estee has to really say she's sorry .

cause she's left with no choice . ):

this is my life & i'll face it ; cause its impossible for me to give up .

as long as one day ; i still exist in this world . `x estee x`

PHOTOS OF 130707 ; <3

if only you were there .

`x estee x`

maybe certain things are left unsaid ,

but she knows what she's doing .

becasuse she knows she can't forget .

& she will never regret waiting for you .

i'll wait ; as long as i live .

`x estee x`

& there are certain things that you just didn't wanted it to happen .

but it just had to happen .

like i didn't want to meet you ; but it just had to .

`x estee x`

GOD !
i just realised i've much to say !
what if i'm supposed to die now ?
or even tomorrow !?
AHHH !
life so unpredictable one ?! ):
nevermind ;
i expected this day coming .

anything - / .

the different looks of life .

& till the very end ,

people always regret not appreciating their every moment .

it's in human nature .

perhaps one day .

just perhaps one day .

living each day with *insert words here* .

how do you live your life each day ? :

& i wanna say goodbye ; to everything .

`x estee x`

SPADSTICC DUCKKS ! :D
FEATURING :
♀ң.ι.қ.є.™
I LOVE THEM !

if only i get to be like yesterday .

`x estee x`

& till now , mrs lim's words are still thinking right through my mind .

" you can be very close with the particular boy ,

but never say he's your boyfriend & you're his girlfriend . "

& thinks ; think . think . think .

it became a daily habit ; trying to break the habit of thinking you .

`x estee x`

whoever that spammer is , that's really lame of you . -.-''

estee kho don't have secret admirers you fool ! -.-''

so just get a life & get lost ?

anyways '

PEOPLE !
DO, DO THIS TEST ! :D

http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/503745

MARK WENG aka ex-EMO boy ! :DD

yays ~!

not guilty le ! :)
i wonder ; did i manage to forget already ?

`x estee x`

& i'm backkkkk ! :D

from the 18 cousin's chalet ! :)

we've finally gotten our very own t-shirts !

manyloves! ❤
well, well !

the whole chalet can be counted as successful ?

though the whole eighteen cousins couldn't come together as a whole . ):

& we didn't managed to get all eighteen to have a photo taken .

BUT , the rest did actually had fun ! (;

friday after choir , reached home , bathed & packed my necessities into my beloved converse bag . ❤

rights '

then after which , took 21 to downtown east .

dropped at the stop & raindrops began to fell like nobody's business .

met brother at the entrance of coasta sands downtown east & he cycled me to our chalet .

which is located at coasta sands pasir ris ? ^^

P-05 was out unit no .

reached & there was only pei'en , jing'xiong & me .

packed my bag into the room & watched tv after that while waiting for the rest .

in the end, around 7 plus 8 went to downtown mac & eat dinner .

meet up with pei'xuan(vice-president'07) & pei'ling(president'07). [:

ate filet-o-fish ; weirddd ~ .

whateveranything .

then went back to chalet .

no single soul came till 10plus ?

so in the end, first night had only ;

pei'ling,pei'xuan,pei'en,li'ling,li'yun,li'wen,jie'yang,xiao'fen,jing'xiong & yours'truly ! :D

TEN people turned up .

rightt ~ !

played with poker & had a "talk-cock-session" .

& they really did crapped .

ughhs ' some matters were sooo personal .

chatted & played till 1plus 2 & most slept .

some waited up for huiying .

she came at around 4plus .

can't stay up as saturday morning have cross-country .

rights '

second day .

woke up at 0555 by pei'en .

washed up & prepared .

pei'en made milo for me . :D

thanks lovely . (:

drank it down my unwaken organs & dragged myself to the venue .

which was practically a minute walk ?

saw quite a few people there & started my job for the day .

had to moved what seemed like eternity cartons of mineral water to the tent .

which was seriously quite a tremendous torture .

but i was able to handle , just wasn't used to it that's all .

so around 0730hrs people started strolling in .

did my duty .

was in charge to take the top 10 lower sec boys & upper sec girls names .

kokleong & gang were so slacked .

tsk, tsk !

mrs chan was so funny ! :D

& yeah'cher !

must keep the secret between us hor ! =X

i know you won't say ! [:

then everything finished & met up zerlina & kehua they all .

sat at the beach & chatted with them .

iffah came with her fundelicious BROWNIES ! :DDD
& THEY TOTALLY TASTE SO HEAVENLY !

awwwwws !

after the rest had finished playing with their sandcastle, we proceeded to downtown for lunch .

& i found out something that really made me disgusted again .

thanks to KPOclubPRESIDENT ; MR KAN WEI CHONG . -.-"

LOL !

ate & we were seperated . ):

went back to chalet .

phew ~ !

sucha long & tiring morning !

everyone was asleep except for pei'ling & pei'xuan .

but slowly they went up to nap .

li'yun & li'wen went for church .

so me & jie'yang decided to go arcade .

& so we did .

played street basketball .

we created the high score there ! :)

296 , after we left , many tried to beat it , but couldn't .

but actually is only 296 after all .

we can do better .

played daytona too .

tried advanced .

still could not get the hang of it yet .

but shall try . (:

so yeahhs ' headed down to mac & got nuggets for tea-time .

went back & played "daidi " .

oh well, shall skip these boring parts & go straight to the climax .

its definitely during the evening .

where most people were there .

barbequed & played several games .

like "tongkat , who stole the cookie jar , etc " .

phews ~ !

it was real fun & we were like the most happening unit there .

it was kinda packed considering its not a holiday season .

after dinner , wei'ying,li'ling,me,ting'ting,li'wen,jie'yi tuned on the music & danced !

WOOTS ~ ! & the party started ! :DD

we were like dancing like shake that ' .

showing off all their dancing tactics .

we were so unberly high like so maddistic people .

pole dance, break dance, hip hop .

god, & the pole dance was actually one of the most *er hem* !

*CENSORED ! *

rightfully known to the people there . =X
it was just too ... horny ! :XXXX

hahas ! :)

shall stop here .

gonna upload the photos as soon as i get them into the com .

the past two nights ; thought of nothing but you on my mind .

`x estee x`